Thoughtful Tuesday

I have had so much on my mind lately. I keep thinking about all the choices I have made, trying to find the sense in it all. Thinking of the moments I dont want to be reminded of. Feelings I have locked in a box for so long.

Last night for the first time I felt the fear of loosing Makayla. I was watching last weeks episode of Grey's anatomy that i had on dvr. This child not much younger than Makayla suffering through her last moments. It a heart string, I completely realized that this will, one day soon be Kayla. Im not sure if I'll ever understand. I just want to know how God chooses between two helpless children; which one deserves a miracle? Which one comes home? I just wish I knew his intentions and why do these poor innocent children suffer. Why can't this battle happen to me; Someone who see's more sad unsatisfying days than happy ones but not to a child who has life, who has absolute carefree happiness. Thats the way it needs it be, the way its supposed to. I just wish I knew....just wish I knew...

Even though hard times are on my home front some have it even harder. http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/

This blog is about a baby who has never seen nor felt natural beaming warm light. I have realized that Kayla, even if there is the possibility that her life will be cut short, has had a chance to learn, to love, to run around in the yard, to feel the sun against her cheek as this tiny gift lays helplessly. The Freeman family is suffering more than anyone I know. I have donated today an amount of money to help them hold on to some type of faith, to feel a small amount of warmth in a cold reality. It wasnt much but its a start. One day I believe that we will find a cure for all these diseases that affect God's children. For they are this worlds only hope to survive.

Take a moment today to be thankful for what you have. Also take a moment to pray for all these children who suffer, who are scared, who fight. Also remember the families, that are more scared than the child that stands before them.

I pray each day that God grants Makayla a miracle. A chance to experience what life can really give us. That one day she will win her battle with cancer, that the war will stop but she wont surrender. I pray for every young life that suffers.

There just has to be way....to make this stop...