Christmas Eve

So its Christmas eve and i have just returned from my dad's. So many things have been going on that i havent had a chance to write on my blog. This is probably the worst Christmas I have even had. First of all going to my dad's I see my niece who has terminal cancer, living through her most likely last Christmas. My heart breaks as i look at her. To see a bright young girl holding on each day with ever glimpse of hope. To know that she is living the hardest time of her life at such a young age. Its the hardest thing I will ever have to see, mainly bc i love that little girl so much. I always tell my nieces that I love them all the way to heaven and back. I cant believe that one day soon my love will have to travel all the way to heaven to reach her. Also this is my first Christmas with out my Pap. He is the only man that has ever loved me. He was and still is my most favorite person in the whole entire world. It just wont be the same. We would always make fun of him because he took FOREVER opening his presents. This year with him gone the presents are going to fly open and we wont have to wait on him. Now I wish I were able to wait because it made the special moment of Christmas last longer. I just wish all the good moments lasted longer. I got stuck in the mud today and it was so hard because if it happened just a year ago all i would have to do was call Pap to come get me out. I called my dad to come help me but like with everything he was aggravated and I didnt feel like he wanted to help me at all, like i was a burden. Pap would have been there with a smile on him face, he would have made it simple and easy. Last my little dog Izzy is very sick, dying in fact. She's the biggest part of our home. My mom its crying constantly and my sister is also very upset. I have to take her to the vet Friday, by myself because nor mom or my sister wants to be there. The will most likely put her to sleep. I will be there by myself because Im the only one who is strong enough to do it. I will then have to take her body and bury it...by myself. I dont think Im up to it but I know I have to. Christmas sucks.