Just another Monday

First of all I love the holidays! I'm extremely excited about Christmas this year. However i keep picturing me in a big city captivated by all the season spirits. I wish i were there. The thought of it just makes me quite happy and satisfied. I also love shopping, buying gifts for everybody. I honestly think I get more excited about black Friday than I do Thanksgiving. Its just a fantastic that I wouldn't ever miss. Hoping that every ones Thanksgiving weekend was splendid. Mine was alright. Many things were different, especially my Pap being gone. I tired not to think about it much which is so hard because he's always been apart of everything i can ever remember in my life. I miss him more that I would miss food or water. He was the one person i loved unconditionally, he loved me as if I was his own... that meant the world.

There comes a point in life where you have no idea what to do. Im praying for answers but where I look Im still lost. I need some guidance, some one who wont judge me to tell me what to do. How can someone ask you to give up the only good thing you have left? Not even knowing if you'll get what you what in the end but it being the only way. Where do i go from here? Do i fight with losing the biggest part of my self in the process or do I walk away losing the biggest love in my life. I'm standing at a fork in the road 2 paths to choice from and i just dont know which one to take.

I hate mondays! Its like you have to get through another week. I cant have any relief or sanity intill the weekend, on mondays that seem so far away.