Stuck

... And after all of this Im still feeling lost and alone. There comes these days where Im numb to you. I cant feel pain or happiness Im just filled with this terrifying anger. I think now I hate you more than I love you. A hate that controls me, my every being. I want this to be easy but you always make it hard. Im a shell washing up to the shore and you are the vigorous sea that pushes me to firmer ground but in an instant you pull me back out. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, you play your games with me as I just wait for the day were I'll be rescued. Rescued by a hand that will hold me safe and securely in their palm, loving thy as if I was the glorious waters that you were. I feel as if my heart is a bomb and every beat is a tick, waiting to explode, to destroy all of me. There are these times where i have these unbearable cravings to be next to you. My skin begins to crawl as if deadly spiders covered every inch of my flesh. My heart begins to race, pulsating my entire body, visible to the eye and I am unable, in that moment to breathe. Looking down at my frail vulnerable body, for the first time I feel, see, and touch the million knives you left in me. I take my hand and wrap it around each handle and I begin to pull them, bracing myself as each one hits the floor. I take my bloody hands and lay them perfectly on your chest, take one more look into those eyes, then I begin to fight. I am within 3 seconds a warrior fighting for his own. Noo matter my strength or the use of all my weapons you fight, pushing me back 5 times harder. As I scream your name, close enough to you that I can feel your eased breath but you dont notice me. As I look into those worry less calming eyes, speaking with a shrieking cry, yearning to touch your skin, I am unable. You look straight ahead with a single force of your hand in front of you; as if you were a stone statue standing in the middle of the desert with one hand upon my delicate shoulder. As if cement ingulfed my feet, I can not move forward nor walk away. I am stuck under your indulging power... I am stuck.