Spring!

First of all I changed my layout to something more fresh. The warmer weather has got me into a rather awesome mood. I hate the cold; something about it always puts me in a bad mood. Happiness just comes along with spring and summer.

Second of all I am so upset that I dont get to do anything or go anywhere for "spring break" even though I technically dont get a spring break, however I could really use a spring break. All the other kiddos are relaxing and having a great time while I am still stuck in the real world.

Third of all I have had some major problems with my closest friends in the past few days. I wont explain every detail but i would like to talk about my feelings. Its hard when someone talks you down to your face when you know you are doing the best you can. Its also really heard when these people are one minded and feel they are always right. What my 2 best friends said to me stabbed my heart. It was the kind of hurt where you feel your stomach turn and your eyes water. I do the best I can with what I've got and if I cant do something than I just cant. Its not about walking out on them or not wanting to but as bas as I wish it wasnt true I can not afford it physically and mentally. As easy as that is said I still get the beat down, bitching me out as if i had did something majorly wrong. My life in none of anyones business and I am tired of people butting in telling me how to live my life when they can barely live thier own. She is my friend, one of my best friends but I really at this point have no desire to speak or see her for a while. I still hurt and she keeps saying hurtful things when none of it is her place to open her mouth. I realize I keep rambling but Im so done with the bull shit and I work to damn hard to have a college student tell me how to live my life when they have everything spoon feed to them. Im living in the real world and at the end of the day all I have is my self.

Fourth, I was sucked back into old habit a little bit over the weekend. It was just like how it used to be but this time my heart was missing and I was reminded why I had to quit. Not in till the next day when I got word of a accident was I scared. As tears welled in my eyes I realized "damn I still care". Deep down I know that I'll be happier without such habit but its hard when the habit strums your heart.

Fifth, speaking of habit...Im going to try to quit smoking today. I left my 2 cigs in the car which is about a block away from the office. I have a feeling that by lunch I'll be walking over there! But this is my first attempt to quit. I know like all other habits I would feel so much better if I cut it!